Negative feedback loops and the bastion of serenity.

I really haven’t been writing very much over the last few years. Well, except for code/documentation/tickets , but that’a not the type of writing that I am referring to. I suppose I simply haven’t taken the time to do so, which I’ve felt I have been missing for some time.

This has been in part to being busy, working full time, being a dad and attempting to create a game in my spare time with little to no help is a full plate. I would have to say that it was mainly do to depression however. That in and of it self is interesting. Dualistic nature it seems is ever present. While I’ve personally had some success in my professional life the last few years, at odds with it has been some of the hardest personal challenges I’ve ever had to face.

Losing the love of my life and further complications I won’t write about here, having living situation issues with family, and trying to help people, only to have them walk all over you, left me devistated emotionally for what seemed like forever.

It wasn’t until I finally started reaching outside myself again that I started to snap out of it. I ended up getting put on anti-depressents, started talking to people about my problems, and started taking daily steps to get out of the depression that I was in. It took me two and a half years to work through all of those issues. Had I reached out earlier I probably could have saved my self a lot of heart ache.

I guess that’s why I’m writing this post. To encourage anyone out there who is depressed to get out of themselves. If you do not want to feel the way you do anymore, then begin to make the effort to change. Very often in life, bad things happen, things don’t go the way we want. But, if we simply dwell on the loss, then we really lose ourselves in it.

The universe is not static, and when we become that way, we cease to be really alive and become more undead then any other metaphor that could use the term.

While not a post about game developement, I hope that this post will help me to revigorate my voice on my site. As well as possibly encourage some one else out there to get the help you need, if you need it. Reach out to a doctor, counselour, or family member. You don’t have to face your problems a lone.

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